A plea for help … and a promise to stop ignoring my Blog :)

*Discussion Time*

So this last month, as many of you know, I've been messing with my diet to try and figure out why my body won't let go of the last excess weight.  I researched and found some things to try: No dairy, No wheat/gluten/yeast of any kind and No sugars in ANY form, except a small amount of low-glycemic fruit and veggies.

Ouch.  It was a lot to adjust to.

As the month went one, I started to get more and more PISSY.  Yes, I just said pissy.  I was exercising every morning and I'd get that momentary high, but the fog of depression would start to slowly take over again.

Wednesday this week, it got so bad I literally sat on the couch and watched TV and ignored my kids.  I could feel it.  Real-live depression had set it.  It was getting too hard to fight.

And still I didn't make the connection with what I was eating, I figured it was the deployment depression finally setting in.

Yesterday, at the store, I finally decided I didn't care anymore about the stupid freaking diet.  I bought a big package of Peanut Butter M&M's.  I was ANGRY and depressed all morning.  When we got home from the store, I ate the ENTIRE bag of Peanut Butter M&M's.

Now normally when you eat like that … you start beating yourself up, right? Accusing yourself of being weak.

Not me.  I was in the BEST MOOD for the rest of the day.  Then the crash hit and I fell asleep for an hour, the kids destroyed the house, my son dumped almost an entire bag of pretzels on the floor then stomped on all of them.  I woke up to a disaster.  I DIDN'T care :) My husband emailed me to tell me that he will have to go on a training for 6 weeks about 8 weeks after he gets home.  Bummer.  But … OH WELL, I thought.

And that's when I realized … chemically I was okay again.  The only thing that changed was that freaking bag of peanut butter M&M's.  Huh.

I already know there is something wrong with my blood sugar because I get headaches if I don't eat something every three hours through the day. This just adds to the mystery of the blood sugar issue.  No sugars at all = depression.

So … the reason I am sharing all of this … I hope there is someone else out there who can benefit from my discovery.

And even more … I'm hoping someone out there knows what is wrong with me.  And they can tell me how to fix it :)

Here comes the plea … PLEASE share this with everyone you know, ask them if they know what to do …

In the meantime … I am adding all fruits, veggies and natural sugars in the form of Agave and Honey back into my diet, but staying dairy-free and gluten-free … just to be sure :)

I was in such a good mood this morning … I decided TurboFire was the perfect workout :) Boom Shakalaka!!! #pleasehelpme #bloodsugardiseases #shareit #smileyface

Oh the slacking ...

My poor little blog has suffered this summer ... but that is something I am going to remedy immediately :) Here is my small thought for today, to get myself ready for the weeks to come: my new goal for my blog, is to have it be full of things I want to be able to refer back to easily.  For example, my "how I got started on my journey" stories, or major milestones like, "hey! I just lost another 10 pounds" (I know that isn't a milestone for most people, but with how slowly I lose weight, every 10 pounds is a miracle worth acknowledging.)  Or, in some cases, my blog will have my favorite posts from Facebook ... so it will be a bit redundant, but it will be something I want to be able to find easily ... and Facebook isn't easy to find old posts on.

So there it is ... my goal is to write at least once a week, on Monday's.  I want to share my story, my "who I used to by and why" story, little by little.  Next Monday will be my first post ... stay tuned :)

Why I love what I do ...

For those of you who don't know ... I'm a Beach Body Coach.  I LOVE my job.  I love being able to help people find a way to live a healthier life no matter where they are right now.  But something else I love about being a Beach Body Coach ... is the people I have met who are just as passionate about what they do as I am.  Meet Carson Carothers.  He is a fellow Beach Body Coach.  And he and his wife are truly amazing.  If his story can help you or someone you know, please like his coach page and reach out to him.  He is just as passionate about helping people as I am.  The people he can help are different than the people I can help, and that is why I am sharing his story ... It takes a lot of courage to admit that your life isn't perfect.  But by doing so, you have the capacity to help so many others.  Thank you Carson, for being Courageous.

How I overcame depression, bipolar and alcoholism.

I’ve never shared my full story besides with a few close friends and family. 

Two years ago I literally hit my rock bottom! I was trapped in an alcoholic’s body and at the end of my rope. I had been abusing alcohol for probably 10 years. Nothing could satisfy whatever it was that I was running from. I drank every day; I was lying to my wife and family and had no control over myself. I was so far gone in my own misery and self doubt that I lost sight of everything important to me.

There was a point when I caught myself in the mirror one night (of course I was drunk) and I just stared at this total stranger in front of me. I literally could not recognize who was looking back at me. It’s hard to explain but it was a moment that I will never forget.

I knew that if I stayed on the path I was on I would lose everything. My wonderful wife was hurt, confused, and sad and had no idea how to help me or us. I was rarely available to my family. Physically I was there but emotionally I was not. I was slowly destroying myself but worse than that I was destroying everything my family was, a family.

This was also around the time my beautiful wife was diagnosed with Clark level 3 melanoma cancer and was pregnant with our second child. According to her doctor Clark level 3 is considered internal cancer. Everything seemed to be crumbling around us. She went through surgeries and was in a delicate situation because of the baby. The hospital visits were nonstop and finally the Doctors decided it was best for both her and the baby to induce and deliver early.

I will always hurt deep inside knowing that I was not the husband she needed and deserved during that scary and life altering experience. I had no idea what to do. Life didn’t seem to give me any answers.

To make a LONG story short I finally hit MY ROCK BOTTOM. I told my wife that I was willing to do whatever it took to be the man, husband, father, and friend I knew I could be. I went right away to a psychologist to learn about the disease I had. I needed to know my enemy inside and out if I was to win.

The doctors finally came to the conclusion that I was suffering from manic depression and a form of bipolar. I wasn’t surprised since the illness was something that I was very familiar with because it was so prevalent in my own house hold with many family members.

I grew up in a home seeing firsthand the devastation drugs and alcohol can do to a life. I saw suicide attempts in my own house, at young age I had already gone to family interventions and saw those close to me in and out of mental hospitals and group homes.

I remember when I was a sophomore in high school after a parent was hospitalized for another suicide attempt. I found 4 shoe boxes in a closet with mine and my brother’s names on them. Each had a letter for us and personal belongings explaining why they were being left behind for us each. I remember sinking to the floor totally overcome with emotions that I hope never visit me again.

I was now faced with two choices. Keep going down a familiar road I saw growing up that would lead to devastation, death and lifelong consequences for those closest to me. Or I could CHANGE and stop feeling sorry for myself. Stop making excuses. To believe I was good enough. To believe I deserved to be happy and to change my own family tree for the better.

I told my Doctors that I did not care what I am labeled or what I am called I just need to stop what I am doing to myself and my family. I got on medications and went cold Turkey May 5th 2011.

I sought help every where I could find it. I stopped lying to myself and others and came clean to family and friends so that I could have accountability and support.
I checked myself into an outpatient rehabilitation program and let nothing stop me from going every night after work. I learned coping tools and was giving ammunition to fight my battles instead of hiding from them. I also learned that no matter how bad I thought I might have it that there are others out there with difficulties much larger than my own. I learned, read and studied on what the best course of action would be for me to stay clean and healthy for the rest of my life. I had to find something to replace self medicating with alcohol.

I feel that once I started to truly give my best and do my part GOD placed in front of me something that would help me be the best I could be and to battle the life long war I will always be in.

My wife bought Insanity and Shakeology for both of us and we followed the program, drank Shakeology and lived the meal planner exactly how it was laid out for us.

Instead of feeding myself poison every day I started eating the healthiest foods and nutrients I could find. My body literally started responding quickly and positively once I started eating clean and fresh foods every day. I found that regular exercise and health foods controlled my weaknesses to the point I know that I can overcome ANYTHING!

Now over 2 years later I am still sober and clean. I am happier and healthier than I have ever been in my life. I am now involved in the fitness industry part time as a Beachbody coach, helping others find how eating right and exercise can literally change almost every aspect of our lives. I now have big dreams, confidence, and love instead of hate in my heart. I have PASSION, faith and most importantly a wife and children that can say they are proud of me.

However I am not naive to the truth that I will always be an alcoholic. I literally pray every day with gratitude for the help, love, support and tools that keep me strong each and every day.

I have learned that no matter how difficult life can be we can overcome. I believe GOD will never give us a challenge in this life that is impossible for us to beat.

I share my story for one reason only. If I can help one person out there find the courage to get help no matter their ailment or struggle, to realize that nothing is impossible, or to believe in themselves and their abilities to live a life of joy and happiness then sharing this was worth it.

If you feel that my story might help someone out there then please share it. All it takes is clicking “share”. You never know just who it might help -

I have the best news ever ...

Okay, I know it's been a long time since I updated my blog.  For those of you who also follow my page  Half the Woman I Was on Facebook, you have been able to follow a few more of the ups and downs of the last month or so.  My life has been complete chaos since my last post, but I will talk more about that in my next few blog posts.  Back to the main story ...

So for the last three weeks I was finally able to stick pretty much 100% to the new Eat Right for your Type eating plan.  A quick recap, for all type O blood types:

Avoid eating all:

Wheat Guten (tough one)
Corn (corn is in freaking EVERYTHING)
Navy Beans (Easy)
Kidney Beans (Not a big deal)
Lentils (Fine)
Cauliflower (I can do that)
Cabbage (Okay)

Eat More:

Lean Red Meat (YESSSSS)
Seafood (Love it!)
Kale (Okay)
Spinach (Mmmm)
Broccoli (Hooray!)
Kelp (turns out it's a spice ;) )

I checked when I first got to my parents house in Utah, and I was at 212 pounds, at least it was 2 pounds under the initial window of 217-214!!  And that was with just small modifications to my diet since I had to finish eating the food I currently had in our house before we left for the summer :)

Then this weekend, after three weeks of fully committing to the changes in food, I finally checked again ... 207.2. 5 pounds!!!!!! 7 pounds down since I first read the Eat Right for your Type!!! I couldn't freaking believe it!!! My calories are still the same, all that changed were those few things!!!!!!  I know 7 pounds might not be a lot for some of you ... but in my little world, where I was stuck for 6 months in the same window of 217-214 ... well, this is a BIG FREAKING DEAL!!!!

On top of that ... I finally finished Insanity ... and I killed it :)

I'm calling the last month a HUGE SUCCESS.  Boo-ya :)

This is my Before and After Insanity Results ... Crazy.

And from the side ... 

The results are in ...

And it isn't what I was hoping for.  All my blood work came back with normal levels.  No thyroid, insulin, or PCOS that is holding me back from making progress.  (On the bright side, I'm not diabetic or pre-diabetic and my cholesterol level is totally awesome. Also, it's nice to not depend on a pill for the rest of my life to be healthy.)

I'm not going to lie though ... I cried.  This time they were tears of discouragement.  There is no simple solution to my struggles.  The first thing I thought was "I want to eat an entire pan of brownies, because what difference will it make anyway?"  But I'm not going to.  Brownies aren't a solution to the problem either.

So.  New game plan ... the nurse who called said she has also struggled with all the same things.  She said she finally read the book "Eat Right For Your Type" and it was the thing that finally worked for her.  The good news is ... I already have the book.  I'm going to try that first.  I'll keep you posted.

Will you all do something for me?? This is all I want from this journey that I am on ... I want you to stop looking at people who are overweight and thinking to yourself the words "lazy, fat, gross, unhappy, ugly, disgusting, or sad" and stop yourself entirely from thinking "if they just had some will power they could change the way they look."  Stop it.  Especially if you are thinking those things about yourself.  Stop it now.  I know for a fact that I am literally working twice as hard as I should need to ... and I still don't have the slim, fit body that I want.  Life is unfair.  But it isn't going to stop me from trying.  And while I'm working through this I'm going to continue focusing on changing the way I look at myself.  I am beautiful.  I am healthy.  I am Freaking Strong.  And the rest will just have to work itself out.