Why I love what I do ...

For those of you who don't know ... I'm a Beach Body Coach.  I LOVE my job.  I love being able to help people find a way to live a healthier life no matter where they are right now.  But something else I love about being a Beach Body Coach ... is the people I have met who are just as passionate about what they do as I am.  Meet Carson Carothers.  He is a fellow Beach Body Coach.  And he and his wife are truly amazing.  If his story can help you or someone you know, please like his coach page and reach out to him.  He is just as passionate about helping people as I am.  The people he can help are different than the people I can help, and that is why I am sharing his story ... It takes a lot of courage to admit that your life isn't perfect.  But by doing so, you have the capacity to help so many others.  Thank you Carson, for being Courageous.

How I overcame depression, bipolar and alcoholism.

I’ve never shared my full story besides with a few close friends and family. 

Two years ago I literally hit my rock bottom! I was trapped in an alcoholic’s body and at the end of my rope. I had been abusing alcohol for probably 10 years. Nothing could satisfy whatever it was that I was running from. I drank every day; I was lying to my wife and family and had no control over myself. I was so far gone in my own misery and self doubt that I lost sight of everything important to me.

There was a point when I caught myself in the mirror one night (of course I was drunk) and I just stared at this total stranger in front of me. I literally could not recognize who was looking back at me. It’s hard to explain but it was a moment that I will never forget.

I knew that if I stayed on the path I was on I would lose everything. My wonderful wife was hurt, confused, and sad and had no idea how to help me or us. I was rarely available to my family. Physically I was there but emotionally I was not. I was slowly destroying myself but worse than that I was destroying everything my family was, a family.

This was also around the time my beautiful wife was diagnosed with Clark level 3 melanoma cancer and was pregnant with our second child. According to her doctor Clark level 3 is considered internal cancer. Everything seemed to be crumbling around us. She went through surgeries and was in a delicate situation because of the baby. The hospital visits were nonstop and finally the Doctors decided it was best for both her and the baby to induce and deliver early.

I will always hurt deep inside knowing that I was not the husband she needed and deserved during that scary and life altering experience. I had no idea what to do. Life didn’t seem to give me any answers.

To make a LONG story short I finally hit MY ROCK BOTTOM. I told my wife that I was willing to do whatever it took to be the man, husband, father, and friend I knew I could be. I went right away to a psychologist to learn about the disease I had. I needed to know my enemy inside and out if I was to win.

The doctors finally came to the conclusion that I was suffering from manic depression and a form of bipolar. I wasn’t surprised since the illness was something that I was very familiar with because it was so prevalent in my own house hold with many family members.

I grew up in a home seeing firsthand the devastation drugs and alcohol can do to a life. I saw suicide attempts in my own house, at young age I had already gone to family interventions and saw those close to me in and out of mental hospitals and group homes.

I remember when I was a sophomore in high school after a parent was hospitalized for another suicide attempt. I found 4 shoe boxes in a closet with mine and my brother’s names on them. Each had a letter for us and personal belongings explaining why they were being left behind for us each. I remember sinking to the floor totally overcome with emotions that I hope never visit me again.

I was now faced with two choices. Keep going down a familiar road I saw growing up that would lead to devastation, death and lifelong consequences for those closest to me. Or I could CHANGE and stop feeling sorry for myself. Stop making excuses. To believe I was good enough. To believe I deserved to be happy and to change my own family tree for the better.

I told my Doctors that I did not care what I am labeled or what I am called I just need to stop what I am doing to myself and my family. I got on medications and went cold Turkey May 5th 2011.

I sought help every where I could find it. I stopped lying to myself and others and came clean to family and friends so that I could have accountability and support.
I checked myself into an outpatient rehabilitation program and let nothing stop me from going every night after work. I learned coping tools and was giving ammunition to fight my battles instead of hiding from them. I also learned that no matter how bad I thought I might have it that there are others out there with difficulties much larger than my own. I learned, read and studied on what the best course of action would be for me to stay clean and healthy for the rest of my life. I had to find something to replace self medicating with alcohol.

I feel that once I started to truly give my best and do my part GOD placed in front of me something that would help me be the best I could be and to battle the life long war I will always be in.

My wife bought Insanity and Shakeology for both of us and we followed the program, drank Shakeology and lived the meal planner exactly how it was laid out for us.

Instead of feeding myself poison every day I started eating the healthiest foods and nutrients I could find. My body literally started responding quickly and positively once I started eating clean and fresh foods every day. I found that regular exercise and health foods controlled my weaknesses to the point I know that I can overcome ANYTHING!

Now over 2 years later I am still sober and clean. I am happier and healthier than I have ever been in my life. I am now involved in the fitness industry part time as a Beachbody coach, helping others find how eating right and exercise can literally change almost every aspect of our lives. I now have big dreams, confidence, and love instead of hate in my heart. I have PASSION, faith and most importantly a wife and children that can say they are proud of me.

However I am not naive to the truth that I will always be an alcoholic. I literally pray every day with gratitude for the help, love, support and tools that keep me strong each and every day.

I have learned that no matter how difficult life can be we can overcome. I believe GOD will never give us a challenge in this life that is impossible for us to beat.

I share my story for one reason only. If I can help one person out there find the courage to get help no matter their ailment or struggle, to realize that nothing is impossible, or to believe in themselves and their abilities to live a life of joy and happiness then sharing this was worth it.

If you feel that my story might help someone out there then please share it. All it takes is clicking “share”. You never know just who it might help -

I have the best news ever ...

Okay, I know it's been a long time since I updated my blog.  For those of you who also follow my page  Half the Woman I Was on Facebook, you have been able to follow a few more of the ups and downs of the last month or so.  My life has been complete chaos since my last post, but I will talk more about that in my next few blog posts.  Back to the main story ...

So for the last three weeks I was finally able to stick pretty much 100% to the new Eat Right for your Type eating plan.  A quick recap, for all type O blood types:

Avoid eating all:

Wheat Guten (tough one)
Corn (corn is in freaking EVERYTHING)
Navy Beans (Easy)
Kidney Beans (Not a big deal)
Lentils (Fine)
Cauliflower (I can do that)
Cabbage (Okay)

Eat More:

Lean Red Meat (YESSSSS)
Seafood (Love it!)
Kale (Okay)
Spinach (Mmmm)
Broccoli (Hooray!)
Kelp (turns out it's a spice ;) )

I checked when I first got to my parents house in Utah, and I was at 212 pounds, at least it was 2 pounds under the initial window of 217-214!!  And that was with just small modifications to my diet since I had to finish eating the food I currently had in our house before we left for the summer :)

Then this weekend, after three weeks of fully committing to the changes in food, I finally checked again ... 207.2. 5 pounds!!!!!! 7 pounds down since I first read the Eat Right for your Type!!! I couldn't freaking believe it!!! My calories are still the same, all that changed were those few things!!!!!!  I know 7 pounds might not be a lot for some of you ... but in my little world, where I was stuck for 6 months in the same window of 217-214 ... well, this is a BIG FREAKING DEAL!!!!

On top of that ... I finally finished Insanity ... and I killed it :)

I'm calling the last month a HUGE SUCCESS.  Boo-ya :)

This is my Before and After Insanity Results ... Crazy.

And from the side ... 

The results are in ...

And it isn't what I was hoping for.  All my blood work came back with normal levels.  No thyroid, insulin, or PCOS that is holding me back from making progress.  (On the bright side, I'm not diabetic or pre-diabetic and my cholesterol level is totally awesome. Also, it's nice to not depend on a pill for the rest of my life to be healthy.)

I'm not going to lie though ... I cried.  This time they were tears of discouragement.  There is no simple solution to my struggles.  The first thing I thought was "I want to eat an entire pan of brownies, because what difference will it make anyway?"  But I'm not going to.  Brownies aren't a solution to the problem either.

So.  New game plan ... the nurse who called said she has also struggled with all the same things.  She said she finally read the book "Eat Right For Your Type" and it was the thing that finally worked for her.  The good news is ... I already have the book.  I'm going to try that first.  I'll keep you posted.

Will you all do something for me?? This is all I want from this journey that I am on ... I want you to stop looking at people who are overweight and thinking to yourself the words "lazy, fat, gross, unhappy, ugly, disgusting, or sad" and stop yourself entirely from thinking "if they just had some will power they could change the way they look."  Stop it.  Especially if you are thinking those things about yourself.  Stop it now.  I know for a fact that I am literally working twice as hard as I should need to ... and I still don't have the slim, fit body that I want.  Life is unfair.  But it isn't going to stop me from trying.  And while I'm working through this I'm going to continue focusing on changing the way I look at myself.  I am beautiful.  I am healthy.  I am Freaking Strong.  And the rest will just have to work itself out.

Holy Crap ...

So as most of you know, I've been struggling for about 5 months now with losing weight.  I have felt like I was working my freaking butt off, being super strict with how and what I was eating, getting excited to finally see results ... and nothing.  A big fat 3 pound window.  I kept hearing a lot of suggestions, (which I STILL really appreciate!!) most of which were: are you sure you're eating as little as you think? are you sure you are actually exercising and burning as many calories as you think?? So I would work harder and eat more restrictive.  Push and push and push.  NOTHING.

Five months after I first plateaued I realized I needed to figure out exactly what was going on.  I bought a food scale to be sure I could weigh and measure EVERYTHING I ate and track it in MyFitnessPal.  I bought a Body Sensor to track EXACTLY how many calories I was burning every day.

I've only been tracking for 3 days ... but already I'm seeing a crazy trend:  Day 1 = 1600 calorie DEFICIT.  Day 2 = 2100 calorie DEFICIT.  Day 3 = 2000 calorie DEFICIT.  Uh ... that is WAY too high a deficit.  No matter what.  And this has been a very typical week.  I purposely tried to not work harder than normal or eat differently than I have for the last 5 months.

So it can really only be one of two things:

1) My thyroid isn't working right.

2) Starvation-mode is a REAL thing and my body is completely freaking out and refusing to lose weight because it isn't getting nearly enough calories.

I have spoken with a couple of Personal Trainers who have said they don't recommend more than a 1000 calorie deficit on any day, and even that is REALLY HARD to maintain.  YES IT FREAKING IS!! And I'm pretty sure I've been doing it for at LEAST 5 months, if not more.  Yikes.  No wonder I kept getting frustrated when people would suggest I needed to work harder or eat less ...

Moral of the story ... I should have invested in a food scale and a body sensor right from the start.  Go buy one.  Now.  Just do it.  Figure out exactly what you are doing right and where you can improve. End of story.

My biggest obstacle ... Was ME.

So I've been thinking for a few days now about what I would write as a guest blog spot. Something about an obstacle I have overcome in my weight loss journey. And I decided I needed to be honest with myself ... and if I was going to be honest with myself then I needed to admit that my biggest obstacle in starting my own weight loss journey was ME. Or more accurately, my attitude. For a lot of years I was angry and defensive about my body and the extra weight I was carrying around. It wasn't my FAULT. It was genetics. It was kids. It wasn't fair. I had a really stressful life. I was too tired. No one else had to work as hard as I did to lose weight. Why should I have to work so freaking hard? Why did I have to never eat my favorite foods?? Etc etc and on and on. And slowly, year after year the pounds kept coming on. It was so freaking UNFAIR. I had a friend who, when she decided she needed to lose some weight, she switched to Diet Soda over Regular Soda and immediately lost 15 pounds. ARG!!! I'm going assume we all know someone like that, yes? Well, guess what. LIFE ISN'T FAIR. It just isn't. I would change the way I ate, exercise every day for 6 weeks and GAIN 7 pounds. So I would give up entirely. Obviously it was going to be way too hard to change my life. And it WAS too hard. Let me be completely honest. It would have been way too hard to keep going if it never got easier. Then a friend of mine offered me a spot in her Beach Body Challenge Group right after my husband left for his 3rd combat deployment. I was a stressed out mess of a stay-at-home-single-mom who had three small kids and no support system. I didn't think Beach Body could offer me anything different than everything I had tried before. But I figured, "what do I have to lose." I doubted it would work. I didn't want to change my whole life. I didn't want to give up my favorite foods. I didn't want to count calories. I didn't want to workout every day. I didn't even want to WANT to work out every day. But, I committed to the Challenge Group because all I had to focus on was: 1) Exercise 6 days a week following a set workout schedule from my own home and 2) Replace one meal a day with Shakeology. I could do that. And then the Challenge Group started and once again I HATED how hard it was. I HATED working out every single day. The ShakeO was fine but that was the ONLY thing I changed about my diet. I REFUSED to change anything else. For two months I hated every day that I woke up and remembered "ah crap, I HAVE TO FREAKING WORKOUT TODAY!" (See how happy I was about it??) But one day ... out of no where, about two months into the Challenge Group ... I realized ... "holy crap, I don't hate this anymore." I still didn't love it. But I didn't hate it either. I finished my first 90 day Challenge Group and started my second. By the end of the second group I had become one of those crazy people who talks about how much they love to exercise. I HATED people like that!!!! I used to say to myself and to any of my friends that would listen to me complain ... "if only I was one of those people who loved exercise ... my whole life would be different. But I'm NOT. I'm just NOT one of those people. I never will be." Oh how I've eaten my own words. And I couldn't be more grateful. Ever. About anything. I LOVE MY NEW LIFE. And I LOVE my new attitude. I can do ANYTHING I set my mind to. Period.