The results are in ...

And it isn't what I was hoping for.  All my blood work came back with normal levels.  No thyroid, insulin, or PCOS that is holding me back from making progress.  (On the bright side, I'm not diabetic or pre-diabetic and my cholesterol level is totally awesome. Also, it's nice to not depend on a pill for the rest of my life to be healthy.)

I'm not going to lie though ... I cried.  This time they were tears of discouragement.  There is no simple solution to my struggles.  The first thing I thought was "I want to eat an entire pan of brownies, because what difference will it make anyway?"  But I'm not going to.  Brownies aren't a solution to the problem either.

So.  New game plan ... the nurse who called said she has also struggled with all the same things.  She said she finally read the book "Eat Right For Your Type" and it was the thing that finally worked for her.  The good news is ... I already have the book.  I'm going to try that first.  I'll keep you posted.

Will you all do something for me?? This is all I want from this journey that I am on ... I want you to stop looking at people who are overweight and thinking to yourself the words "lazy, fat, gross, unhappy, ugly, disgusting, or sad" and stop yourself entirely from thinking "if they just had some will power they could change the way they look."  Stop it.  Especially if you are thinking those things about yourself.  Stop it now.  I know for a fact that I am literally working twice as hard as I should need to ... and I still don't have the slim, fit body that I want.  Life is unfair.  But it isn't going to stop me from trying.  And while I'm working through this I'm going to continue focusing on changing the way I look at myself.  I am beautiful.  I am healthy.  I am Freaking Strong.  And the rest will just have to work itself out.

Holy Crap ...

So as most of you know, I've been struggling for about 5 months now with losing weight.  I have felt like I was working my freaking butt off, being super strict with how and what I was eating, getting excited to finally see results ... and nothing.  A big fat 3 pound window.  I kept hearing a lot of suggestions, (which I STILL really appreciate!!) most of which were: are you sure you're eating as little as you think? are you sure you are actually exercising and burning as many calories as you think?? So I would work harder and eat more restrictive.  Push and push and push.  NOTHING.

Five months after I first plateaued I realized I needed to figure out exactly what was going on.  I bought a food scale to be sure I could weigh and measure EVERYTHING I ate and track it in MyFitnessPal.  I bought a Body Sensor to track EXACTLY how many calories I was burning every day.

I've only been tracking for 3 days ... but already I'm seeing a crazy trend:  Day 1 = 1600 calorie DEFICIT.  Day 2 = 2100 calorie DEFICIT.  Day 3 = 2000 calorie DEFICIT.  Uh ... that is WAY too high a deficit.  No matter what.  And this has been a very typical week.  I purposely tried to not work harder than normal or eat differently than I have for the last 5 months.

So it can really only be one of two things:

1) My thyroid isn't working right.

2) Starvation-mode is a REAL thing and my body is completely freaking out and refusing to lose weight because it isn't getting nearly enough calories.

I have spoken with a couple of Personal Trainers who have said they don't recommend more than a 1000 calorie deficit on any day, and even that is REALLY HARD to maintain.  YES IT FREAKING IS!! And I'm pretty sure I've been doing it for at LEAST 5 months, if not more.  Yikes.  No wonder I kept getting frustrated when people would suggest I needed to work harder or eat less ...

Moral of the story ... I should have invested in a food scale and a body sensor right from the start.  Go buy one.  Now.  Just do it.  Figure out exactly what you are doing right and where you can improve. End of story.

My biggest obstacle ... Was ME.

So I've been thinking for a few days now about what I would write as a guest blog spot. Something about an obstacle I have overcome in my weight loss journey. And I decided I needed to be honest with myself ... and if I was going to be honest with myself then I needed to admit that my biggest obstacle in starting my own weight loss journey was ME. Or more accurately, my attitude. For a lot of years I was angry and defensive about my body and the extra weight I was carrying around. It wasn't my FAULT. It was genetics. It was kids. It wasn't fair. I had a really stressful life. I was too tired. No one else had to work as hard as I did to lose weight. Why should I have to work so freaking hard? Why did I have to never eat my favorite foods?? Etc etc and on and on. And slowly, year after year the pounds kept coming on. It was so freaking UNFAIR. I had a friend who, when she decided she needed to lose some weight, she switched to Diet Soda over Regular Soda and immediately lost 15 pounds. ARG!!! I'm going assume we all know someone like that, yes? Well, guess what. LIFE ISN'T FAIR. It just isn't. I would change the way I ate, exercise every day for 6 weeks and GAIN 7 pounds. So I would give up entirely. Obviously it was going to be way too hard to change my life. And it WAS too hard. Let me be completely honest. It would have been way too hard to keep going if it never got easier. Then a friend of mine offered me a spot in her Beach Body Challenge Group right after my husband left for his 3rd combat deployment. I was a stressed out mess of a stay-at-home-single-mom who had three small kids and no support system. I didn't think Beach Body could offer me anything different than everything I had tried before. But I figured, "what do I have to lose." I doubted it would work. I didn't want to change my whole life. I didn't want to give up my favorite foods. I didn't want to count calories. I didn't want to workout every day. I didn't even want to WANT to work out every day. But, I committed to the Challenge Group because all I had to focus on was: 1) Exercise 6 days a week following a set workout schedule from my own home and 2) Replace one meal a day with Shakeology. I could do that. And then the Challenge Group started and once again I HATED how hard it was. I HATED working out every single day. The ShakeO was fine but that was the ONLY thing I changed about my diet. I REFUSED to change anything else. For two months I hated every day that I woke up and remembered "ah crap, I HAVE TO FREAKING WORKOUT TODAY!" (See how happy I was about it??) But one day ... out of no where, about two months into the Challenge Group ... I realized ... "holy crap, I don't hate this anymore." I still didn't love it. But I didn't hate it either. I finished my first 90 day Challenge Group and started my second. By the end of the second group I had become one of those crazy people who talks about how much they love to exercise. I HATED people like that!!!! I used to say to myself and to any of my friends that would listen to me complain ... "if only I was one of those people who loved exercise ... my whole life would be different. But I'm NOT. I'm just NOT one of those people. I never will be." Oh how I've eaten my own words. And I couldn't be more grateful. Ever. About anything. I LOVE MY NEW LIFE. And I LOVE my new attitude. I can do ANYTHING I set my mind to. Period.

I Pinky Swear ...

So I have been reading a personal development book for a while now ... "PUSH" by Chalene Johnson (which I HIGHLY recommend.)  It's about time management, setting goals, and getting healthy and it is LIFE CHANGING.  Anyway ... you set goals through the course of the book and she teaches you how to achieve them.  One of the things she recommends is sharing your goals with people who will keep you accountable.  I've decided You are those people that I want to share my Health Goal with, and I need you all to keep me accountable :)

It took me a long time to come up with my "Health Goal." A goal that would make all other health related goals attainable ... if that makes sense.  It used to be "weigh 150 pounds." But I decided that was a lame goal.  It was forcing me to focus too much on numbers.  My original health goal was "to be more healthy by 35 than I was at 25." But honestly ... I've already reached that goal.  I don't weigh the same, but I AM more healthy.  I exercise every single day instead of playing soccer twice a week for 3 hours at a time.  And when I was 25 I was just at the end of being a "starving student" so I KNOW the way I eat is so so so much healthier.  Still, it's pretty awesome that I'm almost 35, a mother of 3 and a stay at home mom and I'm Healthier than I was at 25, yes????

Okay so I needed a new goal.  And I had to really really think about this.  A logical one would be "run a marathon ... " but I Hate running, don't even want to do it.  Something along those lines though ... I was stumped.  And then I found my goal.  I found my perfect "this is what I want from life" Health Goal.  And I'm sharing it with all of you for accountability.

"I promise that I will love the way I look by the end of this year."

See what I did there?? No specific number, but it's still achievable.  And it's more than just a try and lose weight (which I am STILL GOING TO DO.  I Will get past this plateau, I Will figure it out!!) It will also require that I work on my own positive self image.  Not just a physical thing but an emotional thing.  And I love it.  I love this new goal.  So that's it.  You are now my accountability friends.  And I appreciate it more than I can say.