And it isn't what I was hoping for. All my blood work came back with normal levels. No thyroid, insulin, or PCOS that is holding me back from making progress. (On the bright side, I'm not diabetic or pre-diabetic and my cholesterol level is totally awesome. Also, it's nice to not depend on a pill for the rest of my life to be healthy.)
I'm not going to lie though ... I cried. This time they were tears of discouragement. There is no simple solution to my struggles. The first thing I thought was "I want to eat an entire pan of brownies, because what difference will it make anyway?" But I'm not going to. Brownies aren't a solution to the problem either.
So. New game plan ... the nurse who called said she has also struggled with all the same things. She said she finally read the book "Eat Right For Your Type" and it was the thing that finally worked for her. The good news is ... I already have the book. I'm going to try that first. I'll keep you posted.
Will you all do something for me?? This is all I want from this journey that I am on ... I want you to stop looking at people who are overweight and thinking to yourself the words "lazy, fat, gross, unhappy, ugly, disgusting, or sad" and stop yourself entirely from thinking "if they just had some will power they could change the way they look." Stop it. Especially if you are thinking those things about yourself. Stop it now. I know for a fact that I am literally working twice as hard as I should need to ... and I still don't have the slim, fit body that I want. Life is unfair. But it isn't going to stop me from trying. And while I'm working through this I'm going to continue focusing on changing the way I look at myself. I am beautiful. I am healthy. I am Freaking Strong. And the rest will just have to work itself out.