It's Craptastic. That's what it is. This "journey" business SUCKS. When the alarm went off at 5:30 this morning it felt like I had just barley closed my eyes to sleep. I was exhausted. I whined to my husband something about "why isn't this getting any easier??" and literally rolled out of bed onto my knees to get dressed in the dark. And as I sat there I remembered that I only lost 4 pounds last month, (which isn't even all the extra weight I put back on in November and December so I'm still behind) and suddenly I was flaming mad. And depressed. And disappointed. All at the same time. I work so FREAKING hard every morning. I carefully measure and count everything I eat. In fact we are eating so healthy now that my husband is losing TOO MUCH weight. What the fReaK?? He can't get enough calories from what we are eating to even keep up with his muscle growth. So that means we have to have more healthy fats and carbohydrates around for him to eat, which means I just have to strengthen my resolve even more because it will have to be around the house again.
Sure I'm stronger than I was. So what?? So what if I can lift my 45 pound son up from behind the church pew in back of me ... straight from the floor ... up and over the bench and onto the seat next to me ... with just one are ...??? Yeah I'm freaking strong now. I can hold one boy on each arm while they do flips and jump around like I'm a jungle gym. So what?? I hate that I still weight 218 pounds. I hate that I still have fat rolls hanging over the side of my exercise shorts. I hate that I still have tons of cellulite. Actually, I have MORE cellulite than when I started because my muscles are so strong they are pushing all the fat out. Great.
I don't want this blog to become a giant vent session every time I feel like crap and get discouraged. But I definitely want everyone to know that it's not all smiles and happiness. Actually, most of the time, it's Craptastic.
So I feel like I need to add some words of wisdom in here somewhere ... let's see ... yeah, I'll get back to you on that one.
Yeah, it's easy to say that the numbers don't matter, that I want to be strong/healthy, have energy, blah, blah, blah. But the numbers and the rolls and the image are easier to measure, and are right there in my face all the time. Time to reevaluate/rename the goal? Or time to remember what is most important about "the journey"? Or just time to pull out the "old me" pictures and remember where I've come from and why I don't want to go back? I don't have the answers. I have the same questions.
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DeleteOkay Kristi ... Old me pictures work. Find your core. It helps!! Thanks for sharing this stupid journey with me!! :)
DeleteAmy - I've been reading your blogs and I feel like you are my long lost twin! I feel like you are describing my weight loss efforts. I just had my 4th baby and am inspired by your dedication. I don't have any solutions, just positive words. Don't give up, you can do this! Being healthy is a BIG DEAL! You are getting there! My biggest problem is I get in a rut and instead of trying to climb out I just dig myself deeper. Losing weight is mostly nutritional (which is what I struggle with - major sweet tooth). I'm really great at maintaining. Anyway, chin up, in the end it's worth it! ~Danielle
ReplyDeleteDanielle~
DeleteYeah!! a twin!! I knew there had to be more people out there struggling with me!! It IS a big deal. Baby steps, right?? So the other day I wanted some junk food and I was craving an vanilla and chocolate covered almonds with crasins mixture I found. Success!! Find awesome substitutes for your sweet tooth, it takes a while, but eventually your body will start to crave the healthier versions!! Good luck and PLEASE keep me posted!!
Life is hard!!!!
ReplyDeleteWhy is it a blessing?
(I'm asking this as I sit in a lonely hotel room in Sao Paulo facing the fact that I don't have enough information to continue work on my project....what can I do to move forward anyways?--there is always something in life that is too hard. Why is it a blessing?)
Life is SO hard!! I agree!! Especially when you are in the middle of the yuckiness, like being stuck in Sao Paulo which is ruining everything!! Good luck, I hope the blessings follow quickly! You need a good Sao Paulo friend!
DeleteRuth - we can't always see the rainbow in a Thunderstorm - but we know it'll come. Life will always have challenges, but in the end we are usually better off through having gone through those challenges. Don't give up! When all seems hopeless that's when I turn to our Father in Heaven and let Him take over. ~Danielle
ReplyDeleteGood one Danielle!!!
DeleteThanks ladies ... it's so good to know I'm not struggling alone. It doesn't make the down times easier, but it does make me stronger. Does that even make sense???
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